omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
