halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
