the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
