I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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