he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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