either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
