Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
