I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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