we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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