I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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