Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
