lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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