youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
