You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
