WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have aggressive nipples.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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