Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
