Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
