You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
