I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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