The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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