New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
