I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
