I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
