Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
