I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
