It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
