Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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