Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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