i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
