And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
