glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
