was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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