Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
