Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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