I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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