textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There r osticjed everywhere
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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