I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
