i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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