In the future we'll all be gay
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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