why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
