I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
