he wants to bone in the snuggie
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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