He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
