nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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