i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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