hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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