So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
