Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
