Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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