I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
