at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
