Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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