Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
