Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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