I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
