Just fell off a train. Bad.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
