dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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