Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
