Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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