I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
