whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
