pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
