apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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