haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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