Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
