I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
