Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
