Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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