Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
