i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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