My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
