I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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